Despair and Desolution

If you're reading this then you've followed the link in my Facebook profile to this blog of mine, which I use when I'm down or annoyed, or very happy. It also probably means you're friends or family, or random outsiders. If you're the latter, please stop here. This content is not meant for you.

Most of the day I've been laying on my bed and thinking about a few things. Reason being in under 24 hours Vodafone took the last £5 of credit on the mobile broadband... for me using, what, 20mb of data in that period. I thought it was supposed to serve about 350mb? Jackasses. No more of that, hopefully the internet situation will be solved in a week or so (they'll be upgrading the line, I think, to cope with all 12 people). So I'm up at Uni typing this at.. 20:32, or half-past 8.

At this point in time I think it is safe to say I'm not coping with anything. I can't stick to the diet, for one. Despite my mental fortitude, I just cannot do it. I don't know why, precisely, it might be down to the downtime I have from not being at Uni, different schedules on different dates. Why am I even bothering to offer reasons, actually.. not like anyone will believe me. All I am to the family is some kind of liar or fraud. So I should just stop offering reasons here.

Essentially, I've failed on that side of things. University is fine, thankfully, as is work. I guess I've been running away from the diet issue. Living on your own is difficult, this much I've always said. I don't feel like I have much in the way of support, especially when people threaten to have a bust up if not under a certain weight by the end of the month. That's mental stress I don't want nor need. I'm already under enough pressure - finding a job without a 2:1 will be difficult. So I've got to be on top of my game.

So it's come to this. I'm alone and foresee it staying that way for the time being. I have to solve my issues alone, one way or another. Most of the day, I've been wondering what life would be like for people without having me around. And I came to the conclusion that for some, it would be better not to have me around. It would be a weight off of their shoulders. For others, it would completely and utterly shatter their world. It seems selfish to predict such things, but my knowledge of people and the psyche would suggest otherwise.

In short, I can't guarantee what'll happen to me at this point in time. Do not try and contact me whether it be by phone, email, in person or any other method. I have to come to my own conclusions here. And if I want to talk, I will do. If I don't, I won't. I have to at least have that perogative.

One thing is for sure, I'll be seeing the Doctor tomorrow and getting help, all being well. Enough is enough, though.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

I did it. 2:1 baby! Take that, idiots that doubted me!

Man, that felt GREAT when they told me over the phone I'd passed and gotten into Stage 3 of Business Admin. What's even better is the fact that my worries were really, really misplaced.

Now I have to tackle European Business, Operations, Psych of the Workplace. Oh, and a 10-12k word project with a built in viva/presentation.

What I'm unhappy about is, quite simply, my situation. At any moment, I could be evicted from my father's due to a couple of arguments about money. Apparently, if I so much as speak to my Mother about anything that happens here, it's tantamount to treason. Maybe they're all on edge atm due to Grandma's death.

I need, and want out. But the good news is.. 12 days or so to Chicago. Woohoo... whoops. Best not speak about that. That's also a touchy subject. Apparently because of my size I "can't get a girlfriend" and "can do better than someone with Asperger's". Never before have I heard such sanctimonious BULLSHIT. Amy has a very mild case of it.. to the point where she randomly dances to herself around the labs at her Uni.

See what I mean? While I'm here, I'm spied upon and talked about behind my back. Thank God I'm off to Aldershot next week.

Judgement Day.. Well.. Week...Month..

It's time, children, it's time! Exams are upon me. This is it, this is where I turn everything around and prove that I really don't spout random gibberish about human resources or what have you.

But that's not all. I'm about to begin week 2 of my Lighterlife diet. And I haven't deviated once. I tell you something though, it's been a pain. In my head it's constantly calling out for burgers.. pizzas.. kebabs, that kind of thing. I haven't been physically hungry at all - it's the fact that I've been revising and therefore mentally/emotionally hungry. I suspect that was my problem in the first place - eating due to boredom or stress.. or laziness I guess as well.

So here we go. Full throttle into Week 1 of Exam Term. First up.. Accounting on Wednesday.

Seven of Twelve

Yeah, reading week is over. Tomorrow I'm off to see Dad and Jan.. should be good to see him again given the last time I saw him was in August when I went to Reading Festival. It's been productive, this week has. I've caught up on bits and pieces, sorted out presentations... the list goes on.

What I am not satisfied with, though, is how certain people are treating me. It's pretty much a repeat of last year.. except this time around I'm still attending lectures, seminars and my group work stuff. Those of you who read this will know who I talk about, and what life was like last year.

Put it like this, I'm having thoughts that if I am treated like a dog any more in the near future, I will lash out. Not at people who have treated me nicely though. Hell no. I wouldn't dare lose my temper with Amy (<3 Amy btw) and people like Charli.

Apart from that... week 8 will soon begin. And that means I have 5 weeks to go before Christmas hits... and... it looks like this year I'm seeing Dad at Christmas, and Mum at New Year's. Anyway, I suspect the moment I go downstairs, I'll be bombarded with things like "why hasn't the grass been cut" and so on. Easy answer? It's wet. You want me to break the lawnmower? Cool, you pay for it though.

Jackasses.

Just an advert...

And he's back.. in black or blue?

Well.. it's been a good couple of years since I last wrote in a blog of any kind. So allow me to enlighten you - the last time I wrote in a blog, I felt alone. I'd just started at college and a blog was my way of venting. It was also my thoughts on things such like crushes on a particular girl. Suffice to say - I'm well and truly over that now!

Fast forward. I'm now in my... well, third year, really, of University. Let's just say.. Accounting didn't agree with me, but Business Administration has so far. The time is 19:07, I've just completed Monday of Week 6 at UKC. And I'm still enjoying it. So what gives? That, unfortunately, is private.

But what isn't private is the obscene amount of work I now have on my plate. Assignments are as follows:

1) CB302 test (Managers) - Complete
2) CB540 (Accounting) Test - Tuesday
3) CB302 presentation - Wednesday
4) CB519 (Human Resources) essay plan - Tuesday

So.. 25% down, pretty much. There are other things that need doing as well on top of that. Thank God I have Reading Week next week, else I think I'd begin to go mad and spout on about the Accounting concepts, or what Motivation is to random passers-by. But.. that ain't a bad thing. I mean, this time last year you wouldn't catch me dead talking about the mathematical torment that was Principles of Finance.

Other things outside of Uni are good. Amy's happy.. and so am I (can't wait to see her in July!). She really liked her birthday present. Now I need to think of what to get her for Christmas. Something to do with dragons, for sure. I'll talk about work when I'm not so cold, and not hungry.

Thought for the day: Don't waste your time, or time will waste you.